Carly's View welcomes author and guest blogger, Joanne Guidoccio. Today Joanne talks of setting boundaries and how they can be beneficial not only on our time, but our health and wellness.
Make sure to check out the giveaway at the bottom of the blog!
Thank you for joining us Joanne.
On Setting Boundaries by: Joanne Guidoccio
Many
positive traits have been associated with Sir Winston Churchill, among them the
ability to set effective boundaries. Whenever I struggle with this essential
life skill, I recall the following anecdote:
Sir
Winston hired a young aide to be his gatekeeper. On the young man’s first day,
Sir Winston said: “Occasionally, I like to take a brief nap to rejuvenate
myself. It’s never more than fifteen or twenty minutes. While I am napping, I
am not to be disturbed unless there is a crisis.”
Eager to
please, the young man nodded. “Very good, sir.”
Sir
Winston persisted. “No, not very good. Everyone who comes to you will say they
have a potential crisis and I must be awakened. To avoid any confusion, I will
tell you what I consider to be a crisis. It is an armed invasion of the British
Isles. Anything less than that can wait.”
No other
particulars were given, but I’m certain that Sir Winston enjoyed many
undisturbed naps.
Several
years ago, I witnessed another example of effective boundary setting, this one
much closer to home.
On a
cold, blustery January evening, I dawdled and took my time, hoping for a
cancellation of the monthly meeting. The roads were treacherous and ten more
centimeters of snow were expected before midnight. The cancellation didn’t
arrive, so I ventured out. I drove slowly and arrived at the same time as
Sarah, another executive member. While struggling to find parking spots, we
grumbled about the weather conditions.
Once
inside, we found the meeting in full swing. The other members were drinking tea
while listening to a lengthy report. We took our places and sat through a
poorly organized meeting that accomplished nothing. As for the teapot, it was
nowhere in sight. Seething inwardly, I decided to resign at the end of my
term—five months away.
When the
Chairperson asked if there was any further business, Sarah put up her hand and
said: “In the interest of self-care, I have decided to resign my position. I’m
giving two weeks’ notice.”
The
chairperson nodded and thanked Sarah for all her contributions.
I
alternated between admiration and envy. While I admired Sarah for her
forthrightness, I wished that I had been able to resign so elegantly. Her
example inspired me and I ended up leaving six weeks later, instead of waiting
out the five-month term.
Lessons
learned...
Be Clear and Concise
There is
no need for long, drawn-out explanations. When Sarah said “In the interest of
self-care,” everyone in the room knew exactly what she was talking about. As a
stay-at-home mother who was home-schooling four children and trying to launch a
new business, she couldn’t afford any energy drains. As for Sir Winston, I
can’t imagine any visitor coming up with a counter-excuse to “an invasion of
the British Isles.”
Trust Your Instincts
Certain
people and situations can be toxic to our health and well-being. We cannot and
should not ignore that persistent headache, nausea, or feeling of discomfort
that seems to come out of nowhere. Our bodies are attuned to all vibrations and
will send messages if there are any perceived threats. When discomfort or
resentment arises, someone is either taking advantage or not appreciating us.
Since Sarah and I were volunteering our time, it was much easier to resign from
our roles. In some cases, it may be necessary to take distance while slowly
disengaging.
Be Calm
There is
nothing more powerful than a definitive No delivered in a calm manner. In full
control of her emotions, Sarah didn’t shake or tremble when resigning her
position. And I don’t think Sir Winston shouted any of his concerns.
Blurb from Joanne's latest book, TOO MANY WOMEN IN THE ROOM
When Gilda Greco invites her closest friends to a
VIP dinner, she plans to share David Korba’s signature dishes and launch their
joint venture— Xenia, an innovative Greek restaurant near Sudbury, Ontario.
Unknown to Gilda, David has also invited Michael Taylor, a lecherous
photographer who has throughout the past three decades managed to annoy all the
women in the room. One woman follows Michael to a deserted field for his
midnight run and stabs him in the jugular.
Gilda’s life is awash with complications as she
wrestles with a certain detective’s commitment issues and growing doubts about
her risky investment in Xenia. Frustrated, Gilda launches her own investigation
and uncovers decades-old secrets and resentments that have festered until they
explode into untimely death. Can Gilda outwit a killer bent on killing again?
Excerpt from TOO MANY WOMEN IN THE ROOM
“I’m a nobody here,” David said,
glancing down at his plate. “And with my credit rating, none of the banks would
endorse a loan. I’m screwed.”
“What if I backed you?” I
couldn’t believe I was speaking so casually, all the while my heart beat at an
alarming rate.
David rubbed a hand over his chin
and flashed a grin at me. “Gilda, darling, you’re sweet to offer, but I don’t
think you know what’s involved here.”
Susan nodded in agreement.
Were they playing me, I wondered.
Since winning nineteen million dollars in Lotto649, I had encountered many
sharks who hoped to prey on my easy-going nature. A quick Google search would
have revealed my three-year-old lottery win. Old news, but still there on the
second and third pages.
“Would one hundred thousand
dollars be enough?” I asked. “In case you don’t know, I won a major lottery
several years ago.” Since winning, I had received many proposals from across
the province and had backed three local ventures. In each case, I had chosen to
remain a silent partner.
David’s right hand trembled as he
poured himself another glass of wine. Susan’s mouth dropped open, and she gave
a little gasp.
“I take it that’s a yes,” I said.
More mild protests followed, and
another bottle of wine disappeared. We were all a bit tipsy when we shook on
the agreement. And so Xenia was born.
Book
Trailer for TOO MANY WOMEN IN THE ROOM
Buy Links for TOO MANY WOMEN IN THE ROOM
Amazon (US): https://is.gd/NRjAXT
Amazon (Canada): https://is.gd/1pX3Bn
Kobo: https://is.gd/5VwbTf
Indigo: https://is.gd/o3ZKRW
The Wild Rose Press: https://is.gd/1mns8Q
Barnes & Noble: https://is.gd/NFHdlS
Bio of Joanne Guidoccio
In 2008, Joanne Guidoccio retired from a 31-year
teaching career and launched a second act that tapped into her creative side.
Slowly, a writing practice emerged. Her articles and book reviews were
published in newspapers, magazines, and online. When she tried her hand at
fiction, she made reinvention a recurring theme in her novels and short
stories. A member of Crime Writers of Canada, Sisters in Crime, and Romance
Writers of America, Joanne writes cozy mysteries, paranormal romance, and
inspirational literature from her home base of Guelph, Ontario.
Website: http://joanneguidoccio.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/joanneguidoccio
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/jguidoccio/
Giveaway:
Click on
the Rafflecopter link below for your chance to win a $10 Amazon gift card.
Thanks for hosting me :)
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